Have you ever stopped and carved out a moment to reflect through meditation?
Meditation is necessary, vital, to start with a blank slate in order to write a story based on what you really want, not what people tell you to do, not what you need to do to graduate whatever, not to please your parents or bank, or friends and relatives, but what God has put in your body, heart and cells to accomplish.
Do you think that it's an accident that you have desires?
When doctors told me in my teens and twenties that I needed to learn breath work and meditation to keep my health and pain level in check, I told them "when will I have time for that?"
Working 24/7 for someone who doesn't care for you and raising $30,000 to a million dollars a month was my first error. I no longer do that because I remembered.
If you are in survival mode stop. It will never change if you don't release and forget that cellular memory.
I highly suggest listening to your heart, release the baggage, than remember who and what to focus on that will give you access to the tools you need to achieve your desire.
Remembering is easy after that is accomplished and it's only accomplished after meditation.
Find a place in your home for 5 minutes every morning. No ifs ands or buts, do it. Lock the door of the bathroom if you have to and put out a sign. They will learn by your example.
To summarize, you only have now to do what you wish for and you deserve it. What your desire is will change the world because it is supposed to.
Don't let life get in the way of living yours, Namaste' Jilly